The Man Child Wins

I am writing this over the coarse of several days. This week has been a wash-financially, emotionally ethically and I can go on. I went into Monday hoping for our election to just be over and we move on as a nation. This has been a frightening time. I come from a place of being a mother, a woman, someone who their whole life has lived with people of lifestyle differences. Someone who believes color, belief, background, etc... are inconsequential in determining their worth. What mattered is what you say, what you do and what do you bring to our societal/global table.

I have my own personal passions as far as women's reproductive rights, education and lifestyle freedoms. As issues and proposals have come and passed, I have been proud that people at all levels have been able to receive an education, a marriage, a life scripted by oneself, not dictated by others. In contrast, I am not a "fag hag" (which incidentally I think is a derogatory term), a hippie liberal or really an anything goes no matter what the results. I am more the be who you are but you do have a responsibility to your community, country and planet on the whole. Freedom with a touch of conformity. Sounds confusing and needs more explanation perhaps.

I am fifty, I am a different fifty. I am a product of German parents and a family who survived two world wars in Germany. It safe to assume we aren't Jewish and further we actually had to work under and for the Nazi regime. My grandmother, my hero, my mentor, managed to create a life in a time where having one is questionable. Her life after that struggle was one of adventure, freedom with thoughtfulness and living purposely in an ever changing world. That is inspiring to me.

I am also a girl that at 16 decided that living in a deplorable violent condition wasn't logical and picked up and left. I have made mistakes choosing partners, I have had children early and I have approached life with a half full attitude. Not always successful but always with heart. I have taught my boys that although I have faults (and you can have them and embrace them), you always see the best in all types of people and lifestyles. Sounds so politically correct, but really I have been this all my life. Because be sure, there are things that I do not subscribe to in that PC climate.

So here I am, I came away from this election mortified. Mortified because the worst of human nature, the underbelly, was revered and rewarded. I don't know how to wrap my mind around that and explain it to my youngest. He had the unique experience of being online with friends all over the world going back and forth about how it all works as the elections were in progress. We are not really looked upon as doing the right thing at the moment. Of coarse we were up late or early in this case.

So the stooper of Wednesday is a reality, I had to boil it down, get a grip. 99% of my friends didn't vote for the man child. They may have done one of several things. I get it. Don't have a problem with that. I don't have a problem with a Republican in office, I am feel safe with that whether I agree or not. Of coarse any other choice was good. But I realized my hang up is not the Republican portion of it. It is him directly. He scares me, he is the reason I am mourning, not conservatism, not the slimy hanger-ons of Christy, Guilianni, Carson etc...just him.

So I have gotten to Friday, haven't really done much. The minimum and a little more. I have the luxury to do so at the moment. But I do have to get functional and move through the weekend with some productivity. When you are creative thinking personality, when you have a soul, when you are a mom, when you a half full kind a gal- you absorb people and events around you. It is a blessing and at the same time a hinderance. I can pin point it, I can see it taking over and I can remove myself from a situation and/or individual because usually everything is right in the world. But the broader umbrella is exactly what is the issue this time.

Voila! here we are, I need to make the shift, realize my friends, family and everything I love is the thing that will pull me through. Just even reading my friends posts has been probably the biggest help. They are so passionate, thoughtful, intelligent and bring so much to the table. That is the silver lining. Then the community that I work and socialize in has brought yet another dimension. This is all my safety net. I finally emerged from the cocoon of my house to sitting outside at my work table. Feeling hopeful, feeling calm and praying those who are not on my same page are considerate as I am. And shit Leonard Cohen had to fucking die too.