Planting Merrells and the Information Portal

So the week starts out with a wet blanket of what's to come. I have become just fascinated with the despairity of getting up with chutzpah at 4 am and muscle through to about noon, versus the dark cloud that moves in overhead late afternoon through to evening. Not whining, don't want to, but observing the movement of my environment.

We went out on the weekend to just get ourselves in our surroundings. We are fortunate since we live in a forest or I call it a high desert with faded trees. I lived in the city and I loved it and still do, I can also remove myself from the chaos. So we drove out to what we call Mutau Flats, which is like driving from the Hollywood Bowl to Fairfax High. Just a point of reference. Close but not that close.

At some point my phone did not work in that area and I sat reading the latest issue of Modern Farmer, a hip progressive magazine for those wanting to connect back to growing, raising and harvesting. Yes hip, on beautiful paper, great graphics and wonderful editorials. Concerned about the bees, raising heritage turkeys that aren't sickly like butterballs and a historical region of African American farmers. One of the few mags I read cover to cover.

Got through that and just sat there, my info portal glaring "no service" in the corner of the screen. So everything I wanted to do I realized involved the portal. I again looked around, opened the window, pulled my keys out of the ignition and got out. Now what? It was quiet, still and I have no idea where the BF went off to. I should mention he was looking or "glassing" for quail. I know I am usually on the hunt for rocks for landscaping and by this time I would have filled the bed of my truck halfway with all sorts of "special" rocks. One of many Lucy moments. So I changed gears.

I have a friend that taught me that when things seem chaotic and it leaves you flapping in the wind, you have to get grounded. Realize I generally don't subscribe to that sort of new agey thing. But I am always open to trying anything if it makes me feel better, outside of addictive drugs. So I proceeded to do that, but first I looked around to make sure I was really alone, animals excluded.

I planted my black Merrells on the dirt ground trying to find a patch of some sort of greenery. I placed my arms along my side and just closed my eyes. I focused: this is me, this is my being, these are my feet on this ground. Nothing is changing, this can't be taken away from me and I can't be harmed as long as I hold firm and have a weapon close by. So I just went over those general thoughts. For about 10 minutes I just was there in my being and you know the chant.

Eventually I stopped, saw a "special" rock and started to fill my truck a little. Of coarse I heard a couple of gunshots, remembered an episode of some true life creepy story that happened on the Appalachian Trail and got in the truck. Soon after, the BF came sauntering down with his equipment and we were through for the day.

Did I feel better? Did it give me the epiphany of a lifetime? Do I know the secret of life? Not really, but for that day, I felt safe in my head, in my skin, in my environment. Of coarse as soon as I hit reception, the informational portal dinged away with everything and everyone I was missing.

The Man Child Wins

I am writing this over the coarse of several days. This week has been a wash-financially, emotionally ethically and I can go on. I went into Monday hoping for our election to just be over and we move on as a nation. This has been a frightening time. I come from a place of being a mother, a woman, someone who their whole life has lived with people of lifestyle differences. Someone who believes color, belief, background, etc... are inconsequential in determining their worth. What mattered is what you say, what you do and what do you bring to our societal/global table.

I have my own personal passions as far as women's reproductive rights, education and lifestyle freedoms. As issues and proposals have come and passed, I have been proud that people at all levels have been able to receive an education, a marriage, a life scripted by oneself, not dictated by others. In contrast, I am not a "fag hag" (which incidentally I think is a derogatory term), a hippie liberal or really an anything goes no matter what the results. I am more the be who you are but you do have a responsibility to your community, country and planet on the whole. Freedom with a touch of conformity. Sounds confusing and needs more explanation perhaps.

I am fifty, I am a different fifty. I am a product of German parents and a family who survived two world wars in Germany. It safe to assume we aren't Jewish and further we actually had to work under and for the Nazi regime. My grandmother, my hero, my mentor, managed to create a life in a time where having one is questionable. Her life after that struggle was one of adventure, freedom with thoughtfulness and living purposely in an ever changing world. That is inspiring to me.

I am also a girl that at 16 decided that living in a deplorable violent condition wasn't logical and picked up and left. I have made mistakes choosing partners, I have had children early and I have approached life with a half full attitude. Not always successful but always with heart. I have taught my boys that although I have faults (and you can have them and embrace them), you always see the best in all types of people and lifestyles. Sounds so politically correct, but really I have been this all my life. Because be sure, there are things that I do not subscribe to in that PC climate.

So here I am, I came away from this election mortified. Mortified because the worst of human nature, the underbelly, was revered and rewarded. I don't know how to wrap my mind around that and explain it to my youngest. He had the unique experience of being online with friends all over the world going back and forth about how it all works as the elections were in progress. We are not really looked upon as doing the right thing at the moment. Of coarse we were up late or early in this case.

So the stooper of Wednesday is a reality, I had to boil it down, get a grip. 99% of my friends didn't vote for the man child. They may have done one of several things. I get it. Don't have a problem with that. I don't have a problem with a Republican in office, I am feel safe with that whether I agree or not. Of coarse any other choice was good. But I realized my hang up is not the Republican portion of it. It is him directly. He scares me, he is the reason I am mourning, not conservatism, not the slimy hanger-ons of Christy, Guilianni, Carson etc...just him.

So I have gotten to Friday, haven't really done much. The minimum and a little more. I have the luxury to do so at the moment. But I do have to get functional and move through the weekend with some productivity. When you are creative thinking personality, when you have a soul, when you are a mom, when you a half full kind a gal- you absorb people and events around you. It is a blessing and at the same time a hinderance. I can pin point it, I can see it taking over and I can remove myself from a situation and/or individual because usually everything is right in the world. But the broader umbrella is exactly what is the issue this time.

Voila! here we are, I need to make the shift, realize my friends, family and everything I love is the thing that will pull me through. Just even reading my friends posts has been probably the biggest help. They are so passionate, thoughtful, intelligent and bring so much to the table. That is the silver lining. Then the community that I work and socialize in has brought yet another dimension. This is all my safety net. I finally emerged from the cocoon of my house to sitting outside at my work table. Feeling hopeful, feeling calm and praying those who are not on my same page are considerate as I am. And shit Leonard Cohen had to fucking die too.

Kitschy lights, mailboxes and truck grills

Sunday morning on a daylight savings weekend. This morning I had read on someone's Instagram that it is swell to gain an hour but not swell if your shop has 100 clocks that are wrong now. You will spend an hour just setting them. 

The weekend can be an interesting time. One minute you think you have oodles of things that can be accomplished and then suddenly, bam!! It is Sunday afternoon and you wondered where the time went. Saturday always starts out with gang busters, early rise, early chores, early gathering and then jet out to possibly find that something special with a friend. We were on our way to Palmdale by nine to Antique Asylum. Generally, I do not shop on the weekends but this time around it made the most sense logistically. 

It was slim pickens, I bought two mailboxes, a Petri dish and a small Asian kitschy lamp. Our time at the Asylum was really not very productive, too busy and the staff at the counter was not only rude but  almost made $85 mistake and when I pointed it out, she got uglier. By then my card was run through and I was highly annoyed. So hopefully she refunded things appropriately, but it is the task of follow up. Makes me eager to drive 45 minutes.

                               

After our Asylum experience, my gal pal, Alexis and I went north to procure Sushi. She had the challenge of high stars, low dollar signs and on our way towards the next destination. The challenge was met and we went to Miso Sushi in Lancaster. For a strip mall place, it surely met all the criteria for a pleasant experience. There was an effort in decor, cleanings and good customer service. If I was out that way and needed a sushi fix, I would return. 

After we made our way to Antiques @ the Barn in Lancaster on Avenue I. I bought one thing, a large International Harvester truck grill. One thing-which is unusual for me. Purchase was a biggie but very cool. Great patina and great size. 

It was a great culmination to the shopping day. Sometimes less is more perhaps. 

Finding that Something

My day starts four am each morning, whether the weekend or weekday. Sometimes earlier sometimes a few minutes later. Coffee brewing, activity in the kitchen, laundry spinning, dishes done, our day is full of activity. But this is the activity of mundane living that I try to get out of the way early as possible. Once that bit is done, I move on.

Being self-employed has its challenges. I neither have benefits or retirement but at the same time I don't have to follow a regiment. I think what comes to mind is that I also have the burden of all that can come up in a day, which might not have any involvement in my work. This is a blessing but also plain old sucks. When others complain about their steady jobs with benefits, I always remark that my employer she is such a b**ch. That normally silences people, they think about it and then they laugh.

For instance Saturday, Chris G went off to connect with his hunting buddy and I got up to start my usual household chores. But I actually didn't do that first today. I worked on the computer and watched a 1944 Ray Milland film, "The Uninvited". It was a nice break from my normal schedule. I have seen this flick before but it is one I love watching more then once.

So my day is off to a start but quickly dwindles as I move through it. Can't get rid of things fast enough, not making money fast enough. It sucks. So I work on smaller projects to kind of move them out from under. I am not always self-motivated but I was very motivated in getting rid of the black widow in the gray shed.

So uneventfully my day ends and then we are on to Sunday. I woke up at 3:30 in the am this time. Washed dishes from the night before, did laundry, walked the dogs around the block, ironed, did more laundry, fed everyone outside and finally over to a friends to hang out with her dogs while they are gone. All by 7:3 am. I am full, stacked, ready to face the day. At least that is what I think. I make a couple sets of curtains for the travel trailer to keep the sun out and tidy certain things around the yard.
 
Then I am zonked, nap time. It seems the rest of the day becomes a blur. One big incredible blur. I do do dinner, I did go to Daisys to help take curtains down, but a blur. The boys showed up from their outing and I went home. Monday is the same and today is Tuesday.

I have found that I do have to get things organized either for a show or to unload. Possible yard sale for Saturday might happen. But maybe not. So I have been just clearing out items from the shop I was in and going through the motions of purging. It just isn't happening fast enough. I am impatient me thinks.

So I have to find the balance of doing a lot and work through a plan for the rest of the day. My friend Amy Flanzbaum in college would make these lists that were a book mark of that day. I loved how it was written big and concise. She keep it simple. I just watched a promo for a planner that just is too huggy feelly for my work and tastes. I can't even remember what it was and I watched five minutes of heartfelt reasons this couple developed it. I guess that works for them.

I pulled a new coffee mug out to toast the new morning on Wednesday and to start a new week. Of coarse it is the middle of the week but I never have a day off anyway so I can make up when my week starts. So I think I found the something, I just talked my way to being more productive. Joy